A Musical Tapestry

January 31, 2018Leave a comment

Today I write….

in between dropping off my elementary school kids and my middle school kids. Many of my best trains of thought come as I drive, which I do A LOT for my errand running business. As a result, many of my blogs are written in my garage or parked in a school pick up line. I write on whatever paper I can find. I really should put a notebook in my car. I love writing in my car. Maybe it’s the surround sound quality, maybe it’s the heated seat, maybe it’s just the moments of solitude.

When my kids were young…

I set the intention of creating an eclectic musical background for them. My children are still too young to determine if it really worked on not, but I have seen glimpses that it has been successful.

First, a little background…

Like most of us, certain songs can transport me to a different time in my life. “Big Bad John” takes me back to my grandparents’ home and an 8 track player. I would slide that 8 track in over and over.

My first love was a mix tape engineer and I have many cassettes produced by him. My husband finds it hilarious that after we broke up, my ex gave me a cassette single of “Everybody Hurts” by REM. Remember cassette singles?

“No Rain” by Blind Melon takes me back to driving to college believing this was the night I was going to get my first tattoo with my friend Kim. I never did it. I wimped out!

“Penny Lane” by The Beatles takes me back to my first labor & delivery. My husband and I were so organized for her birth we even had a playlist! (There was no musical plan for my next two children.)

I believe…

music, food, memories are all part of your family culture. I don’t have a lot of specific memories of growing up but I always remember a “feeling.” All the great and good things and bad things are mixed together in a musical tapestry.

My tapestry is thick with country musical threads. Loretta Lynn and her little sister Crystal Gayle, The Oak Ridge Boys, Kenny Rogers, Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton and the Mandrell Sisters are all acts my family would watch on TNN. Add in some alternative music from my high school years, The Cure, Erasure, Violent Femmes, INXS and some Faith No More, Nirvana and Natalie Merchant from college.

When my girls were young…

they got MP3 players for Christmas. I only ever made one playlist in the life of those MP3 players. I prepared a Girl Power Playlist: Beyonce, Sara Evans, JoDee Messina, Pink, No Doubt.

Now,

we use Spotify as a family. My Oldies But Goodies Playlist always gets played as we make long drives to tournaments in Las Vegas or San Diego. My kids say I torture them with my DJing skills: Mamas and Papas, Elton John, Pink Floyd, Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac.

My husband is educating them on rap, R & B and slow jams as these are his favorites.

I am starting to see proof…

that it is working!

Guess what songs are on my teens’ Throwback Playlist? Pink, Sara Evans, etc. from those MP3 players.

Guess what my youngest chose, all on her own, this morning when she got to be DJ? “Monday, Monday” by Mamas & Papas and “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond.

I am beside myself.

It’s working!

I can’t wait to see which songs “stuck, ” so to speak, in their musical tapestry. What songs will they share with their children? What songs will get them through the sad times? What songs will bring them back to this house? This car?

My mind races!

What are songs make up your musical tapestry? Do you intentionally torture your kids with certain music?

Landslide Brought It Down

December 31, 2016January 31, 2018Leave a comment

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
Oh, I’m getting older, too

-Fleetwood Mac

This song reflects my life right now.

I don’t have a fear of getting older. I’ve always had the ability to visualize my future chapters even as I am living this one. I guess I should say I visualize what I THINK my future chapters will look like. As we all know, they do end up tweaked by life ever so slightly or ever so greatly. Currently, I am envisioning my life with adult children and I have a fear of that. I love being a mom. As I’ve said before, it’s the one thing I’ve always felt pretty confident about. But….what will I be when being a mom isn’t my number one gig anymore?

I am in what I call the twilight of parenting.

My oldest will be 15 soon. Theoretically, only 3 more years of childhood. Ugh. I’m already feeling her pulling away and she’s not even driving yet. She still needs me, but not like she used to NEED me. Once she gets wheels she’ll NEED me even less. This is the goal right? Give your kids roots but the wings to soar on their own. Yeah, yeah. She’s already realizing how our family is different from other families. That comparing really doesn’t come until preteendom and then in teendom everyone else’s family is so much cooler than her own. I’m glad she’s also repeating back to me how other people’s values are different than ours. Not better. Not worse. Just different. And that’s ok. She’s learning.

I am lucky.

I have several mentors in my life that help me to see my vision of older children and how it all works out. I know it will. Thank you Mom, Jody, Peggy and Gayle for sharing your wisdom with me. I also have a great husband who is perfectly content in the present and doesn’t feel the need to worry about the future. He will keep us grounded. We already talk about the kind of grandparents we want to be and what we want to do when the kids move out. I almost have him bought into the tiny house in the mountains scenario. I also know there is a possibility there might not be grandchildren and that’s ok, too.

My role is already moving more to the sidelines than on the field in my kids’ life.

I am the support team, they are leading the cart. I guess I will continue to be moved farther and farther out of their inner circle. I love my mom and she’s in my inner circle now for sure, but there was a time when she wasn’t. There will probably be a time when my children will push me out so they too can make their own path. That is what I fear. I am assured they will pull me back in, each in their own way as my sisters and brother and I did. But, what will I do when they push me out?

I won’t go quietly I’m sure. I guess that is what I have to figure out!

My Tips For Parents of Youngsters (for what it’s worth)

December 10, 2016January 31, 2018Leave a comment

I have good kids.

I know every parent thinks that. They should. I am really proud of my kids, as I hope everyone is. Parenting is the one thing that has seemed to come natural to me. I never felt I needed a ton of advice, although I got a lot of good advice. It’s the one thing I’ve always felt confident about. I’m not sure why. My kids are turning out not only good, but remarkable, in their own ways. If you had the chance to get to know them I think you would agree. No, they are not perfect, not even close. Yes, they screw up and will continue to screw up. No, I don’t know how it’s all going to end up, but I feel confident they are going to be game changers in what ever world they end up in. I just hope it’s nearby, but not too nearby ;).

Keep your end game in mind.

If you want hard workers, praise hard work. If you want kind, praise kind. If you want kind and hard work, by all means praise both, but you can’t praise everything. You can’t create a child that thinks EVERYTHING they do glitters, because it doesn’t. Make a list of say 5 values that both parents value. This is now your code for parenting.

A wise man,

who wasn’t always the perfect parent (my dad), gave me some great parenting advice. Don’t have SO many rules you can’t enforce them. Have few rules and be consistent in enforcing them. It’s worked for me so far. Build your rules around your values and there you have it-the end game. Not that it matters, because each family culture is different, but the Mejia end game values are: hard work, independent, trustworthy, respectful to all, and open. Come up with your own and it makes many parenting decisions much easier.

Keep raising the bar.

I think they call it a growth mindset these days. I have one daughter that will work to the bar, nothing more, nothing less. If we weren’t constantly raising the bar she would remain stagnant. So, we raise the bar for her. Eventually, she will learn to raise the bar for herself. I see this happening more and more each year and I couldn’t be happier. My kids do say we’re never satisfied and I guess they are right. We’re always asking them to reach that little bit further.

Stop it before it starts.

If you see something is going to be an issue, don’t let the behavior start. It may be cute, at first, but be forward thinking. Is that baby changing the channel on the remote going to be as cute the 100th time as it was the 1st time? No. Then, don’t laugh and giggle at it the first time. Take the remote and say no. My daughter once had something fall out of the fridge when she was about 4 and just perfectly she yelled, “Damn!” It was spot on. I really had to hold back the laughter, but I did because that wouldn’t have matched our values (respect).

I remember…

bikinis were an issue for us when my kids were little. My husband didn’t want them to wear bikinis. I tried to follow his lead, but I struggled. I mean what’s cuter than a toddler in a bikini? Plus, every grandma and aunt in the land sent them to us. What a waste to leave that itsy bitsy bikini in the package! But, he felt strongly about it, so my girls didn’t wear a bikini for the longest. Those of you who know my girls now are probably giggling. Flash forward 10 years and all of my girls wear bikinis proudly. He changed his mind.

We changed our rules,

but in the beginning when he thought he couldn’t bear it we said no. We, the parents, were in charge and my girls knew it..which leads me to the alpha dog…

Your kids must KNOW,

in no uncertain terms that the parents are in charge. In my opinion, kids need, I mean WANT, boundaries. They want to know where the line is. Can I put my foot this close to it? What will you do if I tap it just past the line? What if I’m scared to death of the line?

Every year means the field gets a little bigger…

(just like they do in youth sports), but the ref still has to watch those boundary lines, just like parents do. As long as everyone knows where the line is, you can deal with the above scenarios as they come up. When the field gets bigger we discuss it with them. I have one that always taps just slightly past the line and one that won’t even go close to the line. Both can be problematic.

I have to parent them differently.

Push one to try new things while consistently holding the other on the field. When I leave things open ended to let my daughter remember the boundaries on her own she says, “Mom, just tell me what to do!” Now that I only have 3.5 more kid years with her (GULP), she has to start setting her own boundaries, with our permission, and her dad and I will hold her accountable.

Finally,

remember, they are watching what happens to each other too. I could get started on my opinions of birth order, but that’s for another day.

Athletes

November 29, 2016January 31, 2018Leave a comment

I was not a fan of athletes, of any kind.

Sure, I dated them. Heck, I even married one, but I never respected athletes until I raised three of them. I was always more academic than athletic and never even considered you could be BOTH. I always felt like I worked hard and the athletes didn’t have to and they got all the glory. Again, until I raised three of them.

I can’t believe how much time and effort my girls put into sports.

Do I think my oldest is going to be the next Mia Hamm? No. Do I think my middle is going to be the first professional female baseball catcher? No. My youngest a prima ballerina? No. But, I can’t help but respect the time and energy they put into reaching their goals. I spend every hour I am not working watching games or driving kids to practice. I may gripe and complain, but really I couldn’t be more proud.

Time…

People (including me) don’t realize how much time is spent before that first college game. My girls have all played organized sports since they were 4. We required them to do one activity outside of school a season. We’ve participated in diving, swimming, volleyball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, karate, dance, and running club. Sure enough around age 10 they started to specialize.

Soccer, softball, karate and dance…

Currently my 14 year old is playing club soccer as well as practicing with her high school team. She practices 15 hours a week and plays about 6 games a month. My middle is playing club and middle school softball and is a black belt in karate. She practices 12 hours a week at softball and 4 hours a week at karate with 12 games a month. That doesn’t even include occasional trips to a catching or hitting coach. My 10 year old dances 2 hours a week and does running club 1 hour a week. She hasn’t decided on her passion yet.

They NEVER complain about going.

In fact, I try to get them to skip practice a few times and they won’t. I am not saying this to brag about what a great parent I am. The time and cost of this is ridiculous. But, I am just impressed by them. Sure other things have been neglected. They probably aren’t going to be classical pianists or great at the Rubik’s Cube, but as long as they keep their grades up and don’t complain about the work I will continue to support. Practice keeps them busy and they are setting goals and they are learning to win and lose. They are learning from adults other than my husband and myself. They are also learning to support and respect each other’s hard work and effort.

Values.

All of these things are in line with our values of hard work, independence, smart, respectful, and open. I can now say I LOVE athletes and I do occasionally cry when I see a professional athlete reach whatever goal they are working towards. I’ve converted and I will miss it when it’s gone. What will I do with all that extra time and money?

Ode to Power Ranch

November 17, 2016January 31, 2018Leave a comment

Haven Crest.

I still remember the day we pulled onto Haven Crest with our realtor in 2003. This was way out of our designated search area, but he insisted. When we turned in, I saw green. I don’t think I had seen green like that since I had lived in Columbia, Missouri in 1995. A smile came across my face. At that time, the clubhouse/park was built and all the builders had their model homes and Safeway had just opened. We stopped at the clubhouse park and let our then 1 year old play in the grass. She didn’t like it. My husband and I smiled. I knew he knew this is where we were going to live.

The Groves.

We bought a spec in The Groves, lot 331 (I still have the sign.) Everything on the outside was already determined, but we got to pick the inside. So exciting! Curved edges or angled? Dark cabinets or light? Most of the houses on our street were already occupied, so we were the last to join the crew. It seems the existing neighborhood teens used our backyard as a hang out spot, but I digress. The San Tan Freeway wasn’t built yet, so we traveled up to Power and Baseline to go to the mall, to Costco, to restaurants. Now, I rarely go up that way.

Transitional Space

I brought two more babies home to this house. My dining/formal living rooms have yet to be used as intended. They have progressed through the years from a play area to a daycare to a preschool to a gymnastics and dance studio to a study area to a gaming area and now an exercise area. My living room is now actually a living room, though not formal. It holds the backpacks, soccer, softball & dance bags of course! Maybe someday I’ll need a dining room, but I doubt it.

Paths, Parks & Pools

The Power Ranch paths and parks and pools hold so many memories for us. My neighbor and I would line all the kids up and do a bike train from park to park. A friend and I used to meet at the pool as soon as it opened to squeeze some exercise in. I have walked these paths at the break of dawn as well as at 11:00 pm. The greenbelts were our soccer fields and softball fields in the early years. My kids did music classes at the clubhouse. So many Girl Scout meetings at the clubhouse and the barn, and sending my girls door to door to sell cookies. Finding the snow in the park even days after the Winter events. Baking cookies for the Windmill Lighting. My dog once almost drowned in the lake and now they won’t go near it. Impromptu meet ups at the pool. Oh the garage sales both as a seller and a shopper. Dropping my kids off in Coronado to see if they can make it home for a good game of 007. Every year we look forward to sitting in the driveway for Halloween. There’s hardly a corner in Mountain View, The Groves or the Vineyards that doesn’t hold a memory for my family and I! I can hardly type the memories as fast as they are coming.

Neighbors.

There has been tragedy as well. The shooting in the first year of our living here was tragic, but not at all the norm. The cyclist that was struck at the entrance to our community reminded us that bad things can happen here as well. The couple that died on the motorcycle was heartbreaking. Things have been stolen from our garage and front porch, but it doesn’t cause me worry. My husband and I miss the diversity we once had on our street. We once had neighbors from China, Iraq, England and Taiwan here on our cul-de-sac and provided day care for kids with parents from Thailand. My children have grown up with a variety of people and varying points of view. We must attract New Yorkers as many of our best Power Ranch friends originated there, and my middle daughter even brought some Polish into our lives through a friend. Sadly, now that my children are older and on the go I haven’t gotten to know the new neighbors as well. It seems that many of them have young children so the cycle continues.

We are Power Ranch.

After living here over 13 years I am still happy with my choice and will probably stay here until I retire. At one point my husband and I were both working a few blocks from each other in Mesa and the commute seemed so silly, but my kids would not hear of moving. Their life is here. Their friends are here. This is their whole world. My husband and I have succeeded in providing the type of neighborhood we wanted them to grow up in, to attach to. They already reminisce about their childhood here and I can’t wait to hear them tell their children someday. Power Ranch is us and we are Power Ranch.

Let’s start with gratitude

November 1, 2016January 31, 20181 Comment

Options.

It is so nice to have options. I am so glad I made some difficult, but good, decisions in my life. I am also filled with gratitude for all of the “teachers” in my life. My parents for teaching me the value of hard work and education and for teaching me to finish what I start. My momma for showing me how to manage 4 children and a full time job on a limited budget. She taught me how to make the life of things stretch and to not be too afraid to ask for help. My dad taught me to live life on my own terms and not cow tow to corporate America. He was all about taking risks. I am grateful for the dichotomy.

I learned a lot as a young teacher,

new to Arizona, thrown into culture shock in Eloy, – a migrant town south of Casa Grande- and then in Apache Junction. How unprepared I was. I am so grateful to those families for giving me a chance and showing me again how important the family and education are in a child’s life and how difficult situations lead to ingenuity and people truly pulling themselves up by their own boot straps. It was during this time I made the majority of my lifetime friends, people I have counted on in one way or another for the rest of my life.

I was blessed to be a stay at home mom for 8 years.

Though not for everyone and a lonely part of my life, it made me focus on my kids and tested my own ingenuity to find various ways to make money–daycare families, a neighborhood preschool and direct sales parties on the weekend for 5 years. What a fun time that was meeting so many women from different walks of life and finding my genuine self. I was surprisingly good at it and gosh darn it people liked me!

Office Space.

Although rocky, I am also grateful my sister getting me back into the workforce and to my former boss for knowing my work ethic and people skills made up for my lack of technical and industry knowledge. My family transitioned into being more independent and I became a student, again. It was a period of growth for us all and I met some great life mentors!

Of course I am grateful for my husband and girls

for always supporting me with my wild transitions in life. My husband is always the rock providing the stability and to the point advice I need to follow my dreams, probably putting his own on hold in the process. My girls always give me three very different points of view and sometimes chuckle, but that drives me as well. I hope to be a good example of don’t just chase a paycheck.

And now I find myself at another crossroads.

I tinkered with staying in my sales assistant job with little to no hope of improvement. I considered going back into the classroom. I pursued a latent dream of going into social work. How nice to have choices! Finally, as my big sister put it, I decided to “take a chance on myself” with a great idea of melding all of my skills and strengths into my own business. I feel like my deceased dad would be so proud of me. For the first time I can envision my life and picture my day as a blend of children, senior citizens, pets, business and service. Inside and outside. In charge of my own schedule and constantly in flux with service and sales all rolled into one!